I hate making decisions. I mean REALLY hate it. However I tend to cope with it by making snap decisions and then questioning them from then on. Not the best either.
There are several big decisions every 18-20 year old woman must make. The one I'm struggling with right now is my career. You see I've already changed my major twice and I feel stupid that I'm questioning it AGAIN! I started out a nursing major then I decided that wasn't right and switched to Spanish with an undecided second major. Then I decided I was stupid to leave nursing and switched back to it. So as it stands I'm enrolled in all nursing classes next fall. That said now I'm struggling with that. I feel like my head is in it but my heart's not. However it has made me feel so good to see how proud my parents have been of my acceptance into nursing school. I love making my parents proud, who doesn't?
I just can't seem to feel settled with nursing. I am scared to death and I've barely started. Some days I get so excited about it: scrubs, stethoscopes, helping people get better, etc. But really in truly I don't have any concept of day to day nursing that thrills me. I feel like deja vu to last summer. Last summer I went to camp and felt unsettled with the nursing decision thought about it a lot talked to people about it and changed majors.
But then as the year progressed and I drifted away from summer and camp and campmeeting I drifted back to feeling that nursing was logical because it can be used to help people anywhere in the world. It could open the door to going overseas etc. People close to me told me that if I wanted to do missions work I was stupid not to stay with nursing. And so I have so far.
But this summer I've again become discontented and scared. And this summer more than last summer I feel another option pulling on me. The option pulling on me now is my childhood dream. It's what I said I wanted to be from birth until 9th grade. However this option doesn't pay well. And this option has always been discouraged by my dad in particular because of a supposed lack of financial security. And so I find myself terrified to change my mind again. I find myself scared to jump to something Daddy won't be proud of. And yet this option is just as viable for helping people around the world. And this option makes me happy to think about. But still I find myself halting between two opinions. My heart says yes while my mind says no to this desire of mine. My head says yes while my heart says no to nursing.
And so I continue to halt between
and
Fasting and prayer. There's your answer. Each time I've asked for confirmation during a season of fasting and prayer, it has come. God knows the path you take. Continue trusting Him and His Word. Commit your ways to Him as you have and He will direct your path.
ReplyDeleteSooo, sooo proud of you.